I’m very excited to say that I voted today. But I’m a guy who doesn’t conform to the norm — and therefore, I cast my vote for a ticket that doesn’t have the big, flashy, corporate campaign of a Barack Obama, or a Sarah Palin. I didn’t even vote for a third-party ticket (although, Babar would probably make a good president).
Nope, I voted for a twenty-eighth party ticket, way out from Scranton, Pennsylvania: Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute.
Why Scott/Schrute in 2008? First of all, they’re the perfect pair to handle any crisis. Scott, having managed a branch of a mid-size paper company, has the diplomacy skills and economic know-how to guide our country to prosperous shores. Schrute, on the other hand, comes from an agricultural and law-enforcement background, meaning both our hardworking farmers and heroic military will get the tools they need to keep America eating and fighting the War on Terror.
But don’t take my word for it, here’s Michael Scott himself weighing in on the issues voters care about most:
- On Labor: “You may look around and see two groups here; white collar, blue collar. But I don’t see it that way, and you know why not? Because I am collar-blind.”
- On Health Care: “Well apparently in the medicine community, negative means ‘good.’ Which makes absolutely no sense. In the real world community that would be chaos.”
- On Illegal Drugs: ”When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don’t come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.”
- On Jobs: “I just don’t want my employees thinking that their jobs depend on performance. I mean … what sort of place is that to call home?”
- On Gambling: ”I know it’s illegal in Pennsylvania, but it’s for charity, and I consider myself a great philanderer.”
- On Gay Rights: ”Did you know that gay used to mean happy? When I was growing up it meant “lame.” And now it means a man who makes love to other men. We’re all homos. Homo sapiens.”
Michael Scott and Dwight Schrute: The right guys for the most important positions in America.*
*That’s what she said.
3 responses so far ↓
jennherrera // November 6, 2008 at 11:03 pm |
Nice, real nice. I’m happy to see you’re a die-hard “Office” fan now.
Chuck Kerr // November 7, 2008 at 9:49 am |
You have no idea. I burned through Seasons 2, 3, and 4 in a few weeks and now religiously watch the current season online … it’s my new drug.
criticaldarling // November 9, 2008 at 1:22 am |
On gender equality in the workplace: Why does society force us to use urinals when sitting down is far more comfortable?